Channeling My Favorite Woman

My writing and my thoughts have been centered on Home and my Grama.  She is, after all, my very favorite woman.  I find so much of her in myself that it's startling sometimes. 

My Grandmother, for the most part, raised me. When I talk about going Home, it's their house my mind sees.  So many of my favorite memories are about her:  her generosity, her kindness, her patience and her ability to be in her 60s raising a teenager.  It was no small feat and I am eternally grateful to my Grandparents for it all.

As a child my world revolved around my Grama.  She was my favorite, the only one I felt who understood me and I cried every time I couldn't be with her.  I remember having a hard time adjusting to kindergarten because all I wanted to do was spend my days with her.

(My Grandma, on the far right with her sister & nephew in the early 1980s)

I channel a little bit of her everyday... when I cook dinner, while I crochet, when I laugh with my kids and while I think about having canned peaches and vanilla ice cream for breakfast.  (Seriously... she spoiled me rotten!)

She used to write me letters... more than once a week when I was in college.  It was the first time we had lived farther than 5 minutes apart.  She would send me stamps, ten dollar bills and notes that told me to be careful and to make sure I  knew my worth.  Although she tried to bribe me with a brand new car if I stayed in Hilo, in the end it was she who convinced my Grandpa that letting me go away for college would be best.  I can only imagine how painful it was for her to see my leave, but she was always my number one advocate. 

"The days are long but the years are short" is a quote we most often hear referring to parenting.  I think of this everyday while I watch my kids grow and wonder where the time has gone.  It seems like they were just babies.  In this way I also think about my Grama and how much younger she was when I was younger.  She was always gardening, crafting, cooking, cleaning and taking care of us, her family.  Each time I go home I am reminded of my mortality, but mostly of hers.  It's frightening, truly heart breaking to think of a life without her.  I know death is inevitable, but even as a small child I would worry about what would happen if I lost her.

Thus far I have had 31 amazing years with her.  The last 13 have been from a distance, but she has never left my heart.  She's still my favorite woman and when I make everyday life choices I base them on the love she has shown me.  At the end of the day if I can love unconditionally, just like she loves me, then I'll have made her proud.